One Month

It's officially been one month today since we said goodbye to our sweet Baby B and I am feeling the pain all over again. I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night as I stayed up past 2 am crying...I look like holy-hell today. My eyes are swollen, my face is breaking out and I am just generally weepy. I've already cried 3 times today and it's not even 9 am. I miss our baby and miss those tiny little flutters that I was only blessed enough to feel for a couple of days. My heart is broken, my mind is cloudy and my thoughts are racing as I feel my chest tighten up and the anxiety and fear overcome me every.single.day. We have FOUR big milestones to get through in this week alone and it's definitely working a number on me.... 1) Tuesday was supposed to have been the date for our *big* ultrasound, 2) Today marks one month since we lost our baby, 3) Tomorrow is FINALLY my second follow-up appt. with my OB and finally 4) Saturday I would have been starting my 20th week of pregnancy. I would have been half-way there to meeting our daughter or son and instead, I am mourning him/her. This is harder than I ever thought it would be and I just want some peace.