Three Weeks

Today marks three weeks since we lost our sweet Baby B and it's been the toughest three weeks of my life. Three weeks that I would not want to relive and that quite honestly, I am so glad are over. It's amazing how many emotions, lost milestones and countless reminders you can go through and be constantly surrounded by in as little time as three weeks and I know that there are just many, many more waiting ahead for us in the future. Although, I know that it will get better as time goes on and we are allowed to heal and accept the reality and the pain of our loss. It's just more than I can take sometimes now and it's always easier said than done.

At this point, I am mostly just looking forward to hopefully being able to be blessed again with another pregnancy quickly and to then start looking forward to new milestones, a healthy and happy pregnancy and God-willing, a healthy baby in my arms as the end result. We have been blessed with one healthy, amazing son that we both love so, so very much... he is our world, but we do want to have another child to share our love with. It's a fairly common and natural desire to want to give your child a brother or a sister and we want this so very badly. For me, so much that it hurts, especially after what we have lost. Now, looking forward, we can only hope and pray that we will be so blessed again to have another healthy child. I pray for this every day and every night and just hope that the Lord hears and answers our prayers.

When.....

When does it get any better or go away for that matter??? I'm tired of feeling sad....tired of feeling alone....tired of feeling lost and left behind....tired of feeling like a burden on everyone else....tired of feeling like I should say certain things or act certain ways....tired of bursting out in tears with no warning....tired of being tired....tired of not wanting to get out of bed....tired of the general lack of motivation....tired of saying what I don't really mean or feel. I have now resorted to acting okay or fine too often to too many people and sadly, I think my actions are in the hopes that if I act like I am better, like things are okay and that I have seen the light and been enlighted by my misfortune that I will believe it myself and will "will it to be."If I could only rewind this last chapter of my life and insist on an edit....Oh how I wish it would be.....it would make things so much better and easier....being happy is so much more difficult when you're not. No one ever told me that.

Feeling very BLAH....

My Little "Big Boy"

So, as I think I have mentioned previously, we have been in the works of moving Hudson into his "big boy" bed for quite some time now and FINALLY bought the full size mattress set and got the bed setup the weekend before last. Hudson has been in and out of his crib and our bedroom for a while and we are hoping to gradually transition him into his own room as soon as possible, but we did run into a snag once we set his big boy bed up. You see.....for some reason it is WAY high once you put down the box springs and the mattress and would be quite a fall if he were to roll over and off of the bed, so we had to wait for him to test run the bed until this past weekend so that we could purchase some safety side rails first. We can't have little man falling on his noggin, so this was an absolute must! Well, we found some at BRU that we thought would do the trick and luckily they work quite perfectly! Hudson loves his bed and acts really interested and excited to sleep in it....at least he did when he slept in it the other night. He crashed out in our bed last night, so we decided not to even attempt to move him knowing that he usually wakes up and has an absolute fit. In any case, I'm so not loving the look of his room and the bedding right now, but this is only temporary. Once we have another baby we will be moving Hudson into the other guest bedroom and buying him all new furniture and decorating that room as his long term big boy room. For now....this will just have to do!

Aw.... I can't believe how fast my little boy is starting to grow up and while it is so exciting, it kind of makes me sad. Makes me kind of wish that he would stay where he is at a bit longer because everything so far seems to have gone by far too fast and I just want to hold on to his sweet innocence of today. :(

Here are a few pics of my sweetie sleeping in his big boy bed for the very first time! AW!

Biz-ay to the niz-ay.....

Sorry guys....no time to officially post anything of any value yet again tonight as it is almost midnight already and I am about to collapse, for reals. I am STILL desperately trying to catch up on emails and design orders that I was already behind on because of my pg symptoms, then the holidays and then the unfortunate events that followed and of course, just the normal daily routine that I call my life....SO I am one busy mama ---- AKA - BYZMAMA, lol! Maybe I need a plate like this one, lmao! I think I really just need one of the following A) a break B) a vacation or C) a personal assistant, lol!

What is Grief?

It has been two weeks since we said goodbye to our sweet Baby B and my heart still aches as I am experiencing a loss and a period of grieving that I have yet to experience before in my life so it's definitely been so, so very difficult, but I am trying very hard to remain positive as much as I can and look forward to the future and what wonderful blessings that I have to believe are in store for us. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that God will lead us in His way, but it's just still very difficult to swallow at times. I definitely feel much better, but still have my moments and of course, today there were a ton of them.

I did find a truly lovely saying about grief that was posted by one of the girls from the Miscarriage / Pregnancy Loss message board that I have recently been frequenting for support, but to also provide support to other ladies going through the same experience and to learn from others experiences.

She actually found this blog entry on another blog that she follows -

"I just found this saying given by a mom who had three teenage boys and then had 5, count them FIVE subsequent lost babies! Trisomy 18 due on Mother's Day but came a month early, Trisomy 21 miscarrage, and three more miscarrages, two of them on separate Thanksgiving Days. This woman and her story leave me speechless."

Here is the saying....

Grief is Not a Sign of Weakness,

Nor a Loss of Faith,

It is the Price Of Love

I thought it was a profound way to view grief and what it can mean to someone faced with a loss such as ours. She went on to say that she kisses her living children with her lips and that she kisses her angel baby with her tears. I feel the same way and thought this was such a beautiful way to describe the love we feel for the child that we will never know. I know that although I will always grieve and love our Baby B that one day the tears and pain will lessen and eventually, I will be able to be completely at peace with the fact that he/she in now our guardian angel in Heaven watching over us. Till then....I will rely on my faith to help me get to the next phase of acceptance.

Today's Word....

I am quite fond of Joel Olsteen and love listening to his sermons and receive his daily word email and always enjoy them very much. Well, it turns out as it has been many, many times before - that Today's Word was quite perfect for a day like today and definitely spoke to me and the current fears, sorrows and even hopes that I am struggling with in my mind, heart and soul. I couldn't help but share it here in the hopes that it might touch someone else and help with a struggle that they might be facing as well.

Today's Scripture

"He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones" (Proverbs 2:7-8, NIV).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Are you facing a challenge or difficulty that seems overwhelming? When you stand strong and remain faithful to God, He promises to set your course for victory! And victory doesn´t necessarily mean everything is going to go our way all the time or work out the way we planned.

The Bible says that the real battle we face isn´t in our circumstances, it´s in our minds. The enemy is after your thoughts. He´s after your peace and joy. He knows that when you have peace, it´s a sign that you are connected to the Father. When you hold on to your peace and choose to be joyful, you are walking in victory, and it´s just a matter of time before your circumstances line up!

Remember, God knew every person who would wrong you, and He´s already laid out your vindication. God knew every disappointment, and He´s already laid out new opportunities. God knew everything that would be stolen, and He has already laid out your restoration. Rejoice today knowing that He has set your course for victory in every area of your life!

A Prayer for Today

Father in heaven, thank You for the victory You have in store for me. I choose to be faithful; I choose to walk humbly before You. I stand in faith knowing You are working all things together for my good because You love me. In Jesus´ Name. Amen.

In Ode to My Love for *Sparkly* Things....

I absolutely adore Taylor Swift and LOVE her music....oddly enough, David tolerates it and in fact, even acts like he *might* like it too. I swear I've heard him singing along to Love Story, but I am sure that he would probably not admit it, ha!

D ~ You know I love ya baby!

Anyways, besides loving her music and thinking that she is absolutely adorable, I love, love, love her signature crystal embedded guitar! So much so that I asked David if he would get me one someday, ha! That's SO not happening, but a girl can dream, right?!?!

(in David's defense, he did buy me a beginner's acoustic guitar EIGHT years ago that I have yet to learn how to play and haven't really even made an attempt to do so, but I would still love to learn one day and until then, I will keep this little sparkler on my fantasy wish list, ha!)

Such a precious angel....

I just love to watch my baby boy sleep. I swear he looks so innocent, like a precious little angel...oh, and of course, I love to take pics of him sleeping to capture these tender moments of innocence. Who knows how long I will be able to get away with it before he starts waking up and getting mad at me, so I am going to take advantage of it for as long as I can! :)

Gotta love these toesies!

L-O-V-E this quote...

So perfect because I believe too! :)

I believe in manicures.
I believe in overdressing.
I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick.
I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing; kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles.

~Audrey Hepburn

In Memory of Our Sweet Baby B

I found these poems earlier this week and thought that they were a perfect way to describe the feelings that we are experiencing right now as we grieve and remember our sweet Baby B that was taken much too soon from us.

Dear little one ~

It has been one week today since we said goodbye and it still saddens us so that you are gone.....we miss you so much and continue to wish that you were still here with us. At only 15 weeks 5 days old you exited our lives far too soon, but we know that you are now with God and he is holding you safely and lovingly in his arms in Heaven and now, you are one of His special Angels to look over us from above. I can only hope and pray that you knew how much we wanted you and longed to meet you and hold you in our arms. We loved you so, so very much and you will forever hold a special place in our hearts. Till we meet again, we will love you and miss you more than you'll ever know.

Love always,
Mommy, daddy and Hudson


Baby Of Mine

You were only here for a short time.
I never held you, but you're still mine.
My dreams for you reached as high as the stars.
Now you're dancing with them, in heaven afar.
The love I felt for you while in my womb,
is as constant as the omnipresent moon.
I will never forget you. I will always love you.
I will always feel you. I'll forever miss you.
You never rested upon my chest.
I never felt the softness of your baby's breath.
In God's loving arms, you wait for me.
There will come a day when we'll finally be-
Mother and Child, reunited for all time.
I will always love you, Baby Of Mine.

By: Ellen M. DuBois

Heavenly Lullaby

I wanted to rock you in my arms,
I wanted to sing to you of the day.
I wanted to hum of the moon and sky,
in this, my heavenly lullaby.

A chair in the corner gently sways.
I dreamed of the moment,
I dreamed of the day.
When you would be cradled,
by and by-and I'd sing to you this lullaby.

I look to the Heaven's and then I start
to sing from my soul, to sing from my heart.
I pray to the angels, asking them to-
carry my lullaby straight to you.

Although you're not with me I know you're mine.
God wanted you with Him, in His world divine.
Just maybe, my baby, you were too good to be here,
so you went to Heaven and now you live there.

Always remember your Mommy down here.
My love overflows like the river of tears-
I cried when you left me- still do by and by.
That's why I sing you Heaven's Lullaby.

I look to the Heaven's and then I start
to sing from my soul, to sing from my heart.
I pray to the angels, asking them to-
carry my lullaby straight to you.

I know you don't want me to cry more tears.
So I'll try to dry them for you, my dear.
I'll keep up my strength, as best as I can.
I'll cling to my faith and believe in His plan.

You'll be in my heart, forever more.
I'll think of you always and then some more.
When you hear me singing, by and by.
My song is for you, Heaven's Lullaby.

I look to the Heaven's and then I start
to sing from my soul, to sing from my heart.
I pray to the angels, asking them to-
carry my lullaby straight to you.

By: Ellen M. DuBois

My Follow Up

I had my initial follow up appointment today with Dr. P and it surprisingly went fairly well considering. There was a lot of information that we went through and both David and myself feel a bit of relief now that we've met with her, but there are still many unanswered questions at this point even though we think we might have some information about the potential cause of our loss. I will be going back next Friday for a pelvic exam, lovely huh?, and we will go from there. For now, she has basically said that we are able to TTC again after my normal cycle returns, which I admit was a bit exciting! Although, that could be anywhere from 3 weeks from now to several months from now, so it will be a bit of a waiting game until then. She said that physically, I would be fine to start TTC after one cycle, but that I should definitely wait until then to assess how I am doing emotionally before we start trying again. I will share more later about the rest of the appointment, but we haven't been able to discuss everything with our family members quite yet and it's a lot ot discuss so I will definitely have to post more later because I am exhausted and truly need to get some shut-eye soon. I think I still haven't caught up on sleep from last week and need to get my beauty sleep. Zzzzz'

Tomorrow will mark one week since we said goodbye to Baby B. :(

I'm NOT Okay....

Seriously, if I hear my husband tell one more person that I am okay or anything remotely like that I swear I am going to scream and go off the deep end. I've heard it over and over and over the past 5 days and I swear that everytime he talks to anyone on the phone and they ask how I am doing he says "she's okay" or "she's fine" and I an NO where even near fine. I guess he is trying to reassure people or something, but I hate that he is telling people I am fine when I'm clearly not and he obviously has no clue how I feel even though I feel like I have been inately clear about how I feel right now. Argh....I just want to scream. He's frustrated too....he even said to me this afternoon that he doesn't know what to do to make me feel better and I told him that there was nothing he could do. That there was nothing anyone could do. He says he doesn't know what to say and has no clue how I feel or what I am going through since I was carrying the baby and he's right....he has NO clue and doesn't seem to get it even though I am telling him how I feel. He just gets frustrated with me and doesn't seem to like what I have to say. I am afraid that this is going to pull us even farther apart instead of closer together and that scares me even more. I just wish something good would happen that could make us both feel better and take our minds away from this nightmare.

Oh, and to top everything off, my lovely day gets even better when I get a call from my OB's office this afternoon and when I call them back they ask me how I am all non-chalantly, or at least that's how I interpretted it. In any case, the nurse continues to tell me that Dr. P normally doesn't see patients after a m/c until 2 weeks after to which I confirmed that she had already told me that, but that the doctor who performed my d&c surgery insisted that I be seen by my normal OB within one week. Well, she basically tells me that Dr. P will need me to come back again next week to do the pelvic exam, etc., but that I am more than welcome to still keep my appt. tomorrow morning if I just want to come in and talk to the doctor and ask any questions that I might have. Well, this obviously doesn't sit real well with me because I really don't want to go to two appts. within a week, but honestly I want to see my doctor and talk to her so bad that I truly could care less right now. I am so upset and frustrated with everything and everyone right now I just don't even know what to do or think or say.....it's too much and I feel like I am spinning out of control. At least I will get to see Dr. P and can ask some of my questions, but I am so frustrated that I have to go alone and that David said he might *try* to come with me to the appt., but he has a meeting after his shift in the morning so he doesn't know if he can make it or if he will feel like it. I have a feeling I will be going solo and it won't go too well.

Back to Work....

It was back to work for me today and while I wish I could say that it is going well, it isn't so much. I am having an incredibly difficult time focusing and find my mind wandering frequently....thoughts of our little Baby B and what should have been flood my mind and weigh heavy on my heart. It wasn't too, too bad that is until I had to discuss the entire event again and of course tears flowed like it was the first time telling the story. Then things really went downhill when a random client walked into the office carrying a newborn baby. :( It took everything in me to speak to her and assist her with her request. (hopefully things won't get any worse and I mean I am only working for a few more hours as I requested to work shortened shifts all week to get back into the swing of things so I can only hope that this was the worst thing that I would have to deal with) On that note, I don't want to be bitter and I think that it's normal not to want to have something so fresh right in your face, but it made me so sad seeing that baby and just reminded me again that I will no longer be meeting and holding my little one in my arms come the end of June. :( Hopefully, I will be pregnant far before our due date and that will at least make it a lot more bearable, but if for some reason we are not, I have a feeling that it is going to be pure hell to get through. I already am struggling with the fact that Hudson will be a year older, David will be a year older and I, too might even be a year older by the time we will be able to have another child. Not a big deal I guess, but it's still something I have been thinking of. Although, we might be blessed very quickly and still have a new little one before the end of the year too, so this is something that I must remember as well. Right now there are so many unanswered questions and what if's that I am forgetting to remember that there might not be any real answers and that I should not lose all hope. I had a completely and totally healthy pregnancy with Hudson and even though I had complications during this pregnancy that has now tragically turned into a devestating loss, I don't have an answer as to why (this is one of the aspects I am struggling with most), but I refuse to give up hope and can only pray that this was an isolated incident and that by the grace of God, that I will not have any further problems with any future pregnancies. I just cannot imagine going through this again and hope that I never ever have to. I have my OB appointment tomorrow morning, so hopefully that will be a productive meeting and then I will have something new to write about and hopefully, it will be a bit more positive and upbeat because for now, not much else is going on in the Brodt household and unfortunately, for the *most part* this is just about all I can think about no matter how hard I try. :(

Ugh.

I should have been posting my 16 week update yesterday or today.....ugh. I at least got my follow up appointment scheduled with my normal OB for this week, so hopefully I will have some answers then or at least something will be gained from my appointment that will prove to be useful to me for now. Until then I guess I will just be impatient and hope to find some clarity on my own. Today has been the best day so far since we lost our babykins as I didn't feel quite as angry and although I cried a ton, I definitely think it was cathartic, so that's definitely a good thing and helps reaffirm that the rain has slowed and there will be sunshine after these clouds pass. I think that I *might* be actually yearning for some type of normalcy again in my life....I know it's early and will take time, but small steps are good.

Darn BabyCenter.com

Yeah, I guess I should go cancel my account with any and all baby related sites until we TTC again. I just opened my email and among all of the lovely messages from all of my wonderful friends and family I found one that I did NOT want to see right now, especially after a successful afternoon and evening of no tears......it was a lovely weekly pregnancy update from BabyCenter.com-Your pregnancy at 16 weeks. :(

Oh, and even worse, I thought I would go ahead and read it. Not good.

MUST.GO.DELETE.INFO.NOW.

Broken

Today marks the 3rd day since we said goodbye to our sweet Baby B and although physically, my pain has started to subside...emotionally I am not so good.....I feel completely lost, hopeless and broken. I just wish there were answers as to why my dear baby was taken so quickly from us and now I wonder if there was something that I could have done to have prevented this. Did I do something I shouldn't have? Should I have demanded a sonogram at my appt. the day prior? I mean, I heard the heartbeat and my OB said it sounded as it should even though she had a hard time finding it. I had been spotting bright red blood that morning and felt that something was wrong, but she said it was probably just my low placenta. Now I feel like I failed my baby and should have demanded to be given a sono. Should we have gone to a different hospital once I started bleeding? Would they have treated me differently? I didn't even get to see him/her again because they didn't give me an ultrasound prior to the exam and then he/she was gone. I don't even know that the baby didn't have a heartbeat, what if he/she did and was perfectly healthy and I only lost the baby because of my deformed placenta?? Ugh.....I am so disgusted with myself, I didn't even have the courage to see my baby as I was given the option and never could muster up the courage to do it and now I feel like a horrible mother that I didn't even give my baby the respect of a proper goodbye. I feel like such a failure.....I can barely see past my current fears and sorrows to even think of those around me and that is not what I want to do. I do not want David or my sweet Hudson to suffer or be neglected in the midst of my own self pity. I don't know.....maybe I am just beating myself up because I don't know what else to do or how to cope with the fact that I will never get to see my baby again or hold my baby in my arms, but I don't know what else to do but to question why my baby is no longer with me. It just makes no sense and my heart is empty, my soul is numb and I wonder if and when the tears will ever stop.

Until Tomorrow - Breathe....

Thank you

I just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughtful words, prayers and support for David, Hudson and myself. It means the world to us and I look to all of your prayers and words for strength to accept our loss and move forward with our lives. This is by far the most difficult thing that I have had to experience in my 33 years of life and certainly, is not the way I envisioned the beginning of our year to start. I am still in denial and am unsure how to even process what has happened, but I know that in the end, things can and will get better and that the sadness and sorrow will eventually fade and we will be stronger for what we have endured. Unfortunately, I have no control over what has happened and now, we can only focus on accepting and grieving the loss of our dear angel baby, then focus on healing and then moving on and strengthening our family in the days, weeks and months to come. It will be a large mountain to climb, but I know that we can and we will make it to the other side.

Thank you all again for everything....your amazing words have brightened our day, lightened our burden and lifted our hearts and souls a bit from our sorrow. We can only pray and continue to put our trust in God to guide us the rest of the way.

Our Angel Baby....

Emotionally, I cannot go into detail right now, but unfortunately, I suffered a miscarriage and we lost our baby B last night. Our baby in now in Heaven and has forever left a mark on our hearts that will never fade. Due to the severity of the situation, I am still in the hospital trying to cope and recover, but am hoping that I can be released sometime early tomorrow. Understandably, I am completely devestated, heartbroken, angry and confused as is David and all of our families. I will try share more of what I can later, but for now, any prayers would be greatly appreciated during this difficult time of loss.

PROJECT 3 6 5 has moved....

I have created a separate blog for the Brodt Family Project 365 and it can be found here!

Staying Fit With Baby

After gaining 50 lbs.+ during my pregnancy with Hudson, I am quite determined not to gain as much weight if possible during this pregnancy. Of course, I just want a healthy baby and if I gain as much or more weight that will all be fine as long as the baby is healthy, *but* I would love it if I could keep the scale down a bit this time and gain more around 30 lbs. or so. With this in mind, I think I might have to pick up a bit of a light exercise routine in order to help keep my weight in check. Here are just a few great suggestions for the best types of exercise for pregnant ladies like myself. With any luck, I will keep some of these in mind and they will help in my goal....although, I am quite sure that chasing after a toddler this time around will likely help as well!

The benefits of exercise during pregnancy

article courtesy of BabyCenter.com

Exercise does wonders during pregnancy. It boosts mood, improves sleep, and reduces pregnancy aches and pains. It also prepares you for childbirth by strengthening muscles and building endurance, and makes it much easier to get back in shape after your baby's born.

The ideal workout gets your heart pumping, keeps you limber, manages weight gain, and prepares your muscles without causing undue physical stress for you or the baby.

The following activities are usually safe for expectant moms, although some of them may not work for you during the last few months of your pregnancy. Make sure you consult your healthcare provider before embarking on any exercise regimen. And learn the 13 rules of safe pregnancy exercise!

Cardiovascular

• Walking: One of the best cardiovascular exercises for pregnant women, walking keeps you fit without jarring your knees and ankles. It's also easy to do almost anywhere, doesn't require any equipment beyond a good pair of supportive shoes, and is safe throughout all nine months of pregnancy.

• Swimming: Healthcare providers and fitness experts hail swimming as the best and safest exercise for pregnant women. Swimming is ideal because it exercises both large muscle groups (arms and legs), provides cardiovascular benefits, and allows expectant women to feel weightless despite the extra pounds of pregnancy.

• Low-impact aerobics: One good thing about an aerobics class is that it's a consistent time slot when you know you'll get some exercise. And if you take a class for pregnant women, you'll enjoy the camaraderie of other moms-to-be and feel reassured that each movement is safe for you and your baby.

• Dancing: You can get your heart pumping by dancing to your favorite tunes in the comfort of your own living room, with a DVD, or at a dance class, but steer clear of routines that call for leaps, jumps, or twirls.

Flexibility and strength

• Yoga: Yoga can help maintain muscle tone and keep you flexible with little if any impact on your joints. But you may have to augment a yoga regimen with walking or swimming several times a week to give your heart a workout.

• Stretching: Stretching is wonderful for keeping your body limber and relaxed and preventing muscle strain. Add stretching to your cardiovascular exercises to get a complete workout.

• Weight training: If weight training is already part of your exercise routine, there's no reason to stop, although most women should reduce the amount of weight they're lifting (you can do more repetitions to ensure that you're still getting a good workout). If you take the necessary precautions and use good technique (meaning slow, controlled movements), weight training is a great way to tone and strengthen your muscles.

Butterflies in my stomach....

Yes, it's official....just today, I started feeling the tiniest little flutters from our babykins and I guess I had forgotten a bit about how cool, but oddly enough, even weird feeling these little butterfly flutters can be! I *thought* I was feeling them on Saturday and actually might have been, but today there is NO mistaking it. Even when I went for my OB appt. this morning Dr. P had a heck of a time chasing down Baby B in order to listen to his/her heartbeat....I *thought* for a brief moment that I would in fact be getting my sonogram early, but alas, she chased the little one down and we did get to hear the healthy heartbeat. So, 4 more weeks and we shall know if we should be rooting for team pink or team blue! That is...if she/he cooperates at the big U/S. Anyways, everything else went normal with my exam...it was very basic with the exception of having blood drawn for the quad screen to test for potential health risks / abnormalities, etc. All-in-all, a very nice, quick appt. and hopefully, I can resist buying anything for Baby B until after my appt. in just 4 short weeks! What team do you think we should be rooting for??? Team pink or blue??? Take a guess!

Oh, and I was not able to post last night due to a ton of other things I had to handle, but our Brodt Family Project 365 will be moving to a separate blog and hopefully, I will be posting that information with all of the new pics soon!

Antipasto Pasta Salad

David and I actually made this pasta salad Sunday for his family's belated Christmas get together and it turned out really yummy! It is an Emeril Lagasse recipe that I found on the FoodNetwork website and it was just so good that I figured I would share! We've tried several really good recipes lately and so moving forward I am going to *try* to share them here as often as possible so that others can try them out for themselves. This pasta salad was VERY easy to make, doesn't have too many ingredients and tasted great! The only thing we changed from the recipe is that we used pepperoni instead of prosciutto and that is only because the nearest grocery store that David went to in order to buy the ingredients didn't have any so we compromised and used pepperoni instead. The prosciutto would have been a ton better, just because I LOVE it, but in any case, the salad turned out pretty fab.

Antipasto Pasta Salad

Ingredients

2 tablespoons plus 1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 pound rotini pasta
2 teaspoons minced garlic
2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon Emeril's Italian Essence, or other dried Italian herb mixture
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 1/2 cups 1/4-inch cubes provolone
1 cup thinly sliced oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained
1 cup thinly sliced salami (1/4 pound)
1 cup thinly sliced prosciutto (1/4 pound)
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley leaves
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil leaves

Directions

Combine 2 tablespoons salt, the olive oil, and 4 quarts water in a large pot over high heat and bring to a boil. Add the rotini and cook, stirring occasionally to keep the pasta from sticking together, until just al dente, about 9 minutes.

Meanwhile, mash together the garlic and remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large bowl. Add the balsamic vinegar, Italian Essence, black pepper, and crushed red pepper. Whisk to blend. Gradually whisk in the olive oil.

Drain the rotini and rinse under cold running water until cool. Add to the vinaigrette, along with the provolone, tomatoes, salami, prosciutto, parsley, and basil. Toss to mix. Serve immediately or cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. Let the salad return to room temperature before serving.

4/365

My picture of the day today is of the book "The Shack" that I actually bought as a little birthday present for myself at Barnes and Noble last night on our way to dinner. One of our dear family friends, LaWanda, highly recommended this book to me on Christmas and when one of my fellow bloggers posted about the book as well this past week I was so thankful for the reminder that I needed to go and pick up a copy. I cannot wait to get started reading it and hopefully, it will not take me too long to make it through the entire book. I almost bought "Eat, Pray and Love" as well based on several recommendations from other friends, but decided that I should go one book at a time so that will be for a later date. A bit more feasible of a goal for me afterall seeing that my time is so full and hectic these days!

15 Weeks, WOW!

So, today I am officially 15 weeks and 1 day along in my pregnancy and I just cannot believe things have gone SO fast! I have my next appt. with my OB this week and hopefully, we will be finding out if Baby B is a girl or a boy at our following appt. at the beginning of February. That is, unless Dr. P decides to do a sonogram at this appt. which would be a wonderfully pleasant surprise! I cannot wait to find out what we are having so that we can start shopping for furniture and everything else we are going to be needing for the new baby. Of course, what all we will need is going to highly depend on if it's a girl or boy, so we shall just have to wait and see I guess. I keep forgetting to take belly shots, but I think I might start this week or next and then take them weekly. I didn't do this with Hudson and kind of wish I had, so hopefully I can get myself on track and do it for the remainder of the pregnancy. Just so you know, this is what is going on with both me and baby as of this week.

Your pregnancy: 15 weeks
See the big picture

How your baby's growing:

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You've probably gained about 5 pounds by now (a little more or less is fine, too) and are well into the swing of your pregnancy, but you may still be surprised by an unexpected symptom now and then. If your nose is stuffed up, for instance, you can probably chalk it up to the combined effect of hormonal changes and increased blood flow to your mucous membranes. This condition is so common, there's even a name for it: "rhinitis of pregnancy." Some pregnant women also suffer nosebleeds as a result of increased blood volume and blood vessel expansion in the nose.

If you're having amniocentesis, it'll most likely happen between now and 18 weeks. This test can identify hundreds of genetic and chromosomal disorders. If you're getting very anxious while waiting for the results, it may help to know that most women who undergo amniocentesis get good news about their babies — bringing welcome relief from their worries.

Don't be surprised if you and your partner are feeling a little stressed out these days. Many pregnant couples worry about their baby's health and how they'll handle the changes ahead. But with physical discomforts on the wane and energy on the rise, this is also a wonderful trimester for most women.

****For what it's worth, I have definitely been experiencing the rhinitis of pregnancy for sure....it's been driving me c-r-a-z-y lately too!

LMAO!

Um, yeah.....Justin Timberlake is freakin' hilarious and I love how Paul Rudd (he's a fave in our house!) comes in and freaks up on Beyonce! Too funny! JT in a leotard is classic!

3/365

The festive gift bag with my birthday gifts from Hudson. (and the hubby) I turned the big 33 today and David tricked me by acting like he somewhat forgot or was blowing off my birthday. To say the least I was a bit upset and pouting, that is until Hudson came walking from our bedroom into the living room with this gift bag in his hands. SO stinkin' cute! It was a small, sweet gift from Hudson mainly as I had told David not to buy me anything big for my birthday since he bought me my Nikon DSLR for our anniversary and I bought his new grill for his combo birthday and anniversary present as well. :)

Anyways, I had a great birthday and this little bag was just a small, but very sweet and heartfelt part of my day! Although, I did have to remind David that he might want to rethink shenanigans like that in the future especially when he is dealing with someone boasting some major pregnancy hormones as I currently am, ya know!?!?!? ;)

Counting Cars....

Here's a video of me trying to get Hudson to count his cars....he just recently started counting along with us lately as well as trying to say his ABC's. This is my attempt to catch him on camera, which as most of you parents know, they usually don't want to do it when you actually try to film something or take a picture of it, lol! At least he did try though!

2/365

Hudson played so hard he conked out on the floor! Laser gun and all.....

Project 365

Several of my online friends are doing this Project 365 and I decided that I would attempt to do it because a) it sounded like a lot of fun b) I love to take pictures anyways and any excuse to have to use my DSLR daily is fine by me as it will allow me to become a better photographer and allow me to learn how to operate my camera better and c) because it would be a great way to sort of chronicle our year. For now, I will post the pics as I can and will try to post them daily, but I might switch to something like MyShuttercal if it seems like that might be it easier, we shall see! In any case, if you are interested in joining along, all of the details can be found on the Project 365 website and I would love it if you would leave a comment and let me know if you will be doing it as well and where you will be chronicling your photos so that I may follow you along throughout the year! Have fun!

Fingers crossed that I can keep up!

1/365 - Toy Invasion....

This is what a few square feet of our living room floor looks like.....I think we've been invaded!

Silly Sleeper....

This is how we found Hudson sleeping in our bed a couple of nights ago, ha! I guess he thought that the pillow was more comfortable on TOP of him!

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009! This past year has probably been one of the most action-packed of a roller coaster than any in my entire life, but I am definitely looking forward to this new year and hope that it is even better than the last.

2008 was filled with more firsts for Hudson including a first trip to the zoo, first time on the potty, lol!, lots of new words and many other new discoveries....too many for me to even remember right now actually! He continues to amaze us learning new things everyday and most recently started saying many more new words with the most random being cologne, ha! Anytime he sees David put on cologne or if I put on my perfume, he runs to David's side of the dresser and points at the cologne and says "cologne". It's too cute and he actually says it exactly as it should be said and of course, mommy always sprays him a little bit of cologne on so he's smelly good just like his daddy! He is counting now and can count along with you and also is starting to say his ABC's too! I am SO excited that he is becoming a bit more vocal as we were beginning to wonder if we were going to have to meet with a speech therapist. Although, that may still happen depending on how he progresses, but his pediatrician seemed to think that he is right on track as far as his learning level and that he should be learning a ton over the next 6 months or so. He passed his 2 year checkup with flying colors and continues to be healthy as ever! We did have a few scares this year with the bout of croup, a few other illnesses and most recently have been battling some fairly severe baby eczema, but other than that he is thriving as he should be!

Hudson celebrated his 2nd birthday this year and the following week we celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary as well. It was an even more exceptional occasion because I found out within the week before that I was expecting our second little blessing and got to surprise David by telling him on our anniversary! We had not officially been trying to have another baby yet, but we had been discussing it quite often and we weren't preventing either, so it wasn't a total surprise or anything. It was quite perfect actually since David had been saying for the longest time that we would start trying whenever Hudson turned two and I had been ready long before that, ha!, so it was pretty cool that I found out I was pregnant just days after Hudson's second birthday. We did have a huge scare last month and thought that we might be losing the pregnancy, but thankfully that wasn't the case and I had just had some random problems that had occurred because of a combination of being ill earlier that week and the fact that I have a very low placenta with this pregnancy. This had to be the scariest and most agonizing day of the past year, but like I said, thankfully we found out that the baby was perfectly healthy and we even got to see our lil' one that day so it was an amazing blessing in disguise. We are just so, so very excited and cannot wait to meet our new babykins come the end of June!

Both David and myself worked full-time continuing with our current positions and employers over the past year with the exception of the promotion I unexpectedly received earlier in the year which resulted in me switching positions around July. Things have been great for us considering the state of the economy and how many companies have been downsizing because of the recession. We feel very fortunate that neither ourselves and for the most part, any of our close family members or friends have been terribly affected by this thus far. I do have a few friends that did experience some job losses and financial struggles over the pat year, but I am glad to say that most everyone has been able to find a new job and it even be a better opportunity for them than their previous positions which again, was more blessings in disguise! I can only pray that everyone continues to have a stable job and are financially secure in the year to come. On another note, I am thrilled to also say that this was also the first full year that I had been in business with my own company, Delovely Designs, and it was in fact a very busy and successful year if I might say so myself! Especially considering that it was my first full year and the fact that I truly only am able to devote limited time to Delovely as of now which includes some evenings and weekends. I am excited to see my business grow in the coming year and to hopefully begin offering some other new services and products in the new year.

So, as you can see, it has been a very fulfilling year for us and I cannot wait for what's to come in our future. I am most excited to meet our new baby B and to share in the experience with David and Hudson and to watch Hudson become the best big brother ever! I know that this year is going to be the most eventful ever now with our expected family addition and I am sure that our lives will never be the same. Here's to an amazingly blessed and prosperous 2009!